Time to get it out....

It's been awhile since I've sat here and put some words on the screen. So many things going on right now that I better get some of it out of my head. LOL. There is a curse from the old country it says "May you live in interesting times." Well I'd say that's exactly what we're in right now. Can you believe that the hearings are going on and the repeal of "Don't ask, Don't tell" could happen before the new year. That is if the Republicans will let it go through. I find it extremely interesting that the biggest argument against it comes from John McCain. The one who would have been president if he had a running mate. (Don't get me started on Sarah "I can see Russia from my backyard" Palin) It seems the biggest fear on this is that some flaming queens will be on the frontlines the day after this policy is repealed and gays can serve openly in the military. They seem to forget that it's not gonna change a few basic things. You still have to enlist, you have to make it through Basic Training/Boot Camp. You still have to meet the standards and pass all the training. Take it from a guy that served his country honorably it's not gonna be the end of civilization they are trying to make it sound like.

You volunteer to serve your country for many different reasons. The pay is prolly the last thing that motivates you to join the military. I was listening to a talk radio show and they were discussing this issue. Many of the callers into the station that were against the repeal seemed to think that suddenly there would be guys making out all over post. In front of the barracks and flaunting their sexuality in front of 'decent, upstanding, christian soldiers. (Trust me this is the underlying feeling). There are standards and 'rules' that every soldier must follow, gay or straight. There are regulations governing 'Public displays of affection', and every other argument these people raise. Do you really think that once gays can serve openly that these regulations will go by the wayside??? Do you really think that Anarchy will reign supreme??? You've never been there and you'll never understand if that's what you think. Men and Women serve in the same units today and it's not an all out sex fest. Come on people it's 2010.

Ugh it's just really frustrating to argue against such stupidity.

So on to other topics. Had an interesting thing happen the other night. Was sitting at the computer surfing around and I saw that J signed on to Yahoo. Figured I'd say 'Hi' as we hadn't talked in over a month. Well we ended up talking for almost two hours. The upshot of it all is we're gonna meet up for dinner tomorrow. I'm not sure exactly what I'm feeling about this one. Back when it all kinda blew up many issues were brought up, and he told me I should think long and hard about things. Maybe not the best advice for me, or should I say he should be careful of what he wishes for cause he just might get it. I do know that there are some parts of me that aren't gonna change. A couple of those things are things he definately wanted me to change. I'm tough, I'm strong, I'm pretty independent. I'm not perfect by any stretch, but I do like my life and think I'm doing pretty well. I got here by my own two feet and no one can take that from me. We will see how things go over dinner and take it from there.

It was funny at one point while we were chatting on yahoo he asked where we were.... and I answered "Friends, I guess". That's where he left it, and I left the ball in his court. I realized awhile back that I never heard from him unless I sent the first txt. So I decided to just not send that first txt and see how long it went til I heard from him. After three weeks I was pretty sure that I'd not hear from him again. Ah Interesting times.....

Christmas is upon us and the best gift for me will be having family and friends together to celebrate the season. I've got all the 'presents' I need. I'll decorate the house soon and be ready for the big day. Yes I'll get a live tree for the house. Nothing smells better to me than that fresh cut pine decorated with lights and the ornaments that bring nothing but memories.

Looking ahead to the end of Feb and another celebration of my arrival here on this planet. The trip to Vegas is planned and will secure the flights and hotel in the coming weeks. The deals are there to be had, it really is a magical place. A grown ups play ground. This year Darrell, yes THAT Darrell, will be meeting up with Chris and I in Vegas. We're doing a week and I'll get to explore outside of the strip. Trips to Hoover Dam, Red Rocks and whatever else we decide. One day will be spent with Darrell and I in our "I love Las Vegas" t-shirts doing the tour of the strip. Hitting all the hot spots, fountains at Belliagio, Volcano at Mirage, etc, etc. Expect many of the 'tourist' type photos of us hitting the spots and having fun.

Well that's it for now. Thanks for reading. {*****************************} HUGZ to you all!

You've heard by now

About the Freshman at Rutgers college that jumped off a bridge after his roommate put up a video of him making out/having sex with another guy. I remember last week when I heard the quick blurb on the radio about it. The first thoughts in my head were 'he was gay'. Before I knew anymore details this I knew. If it had been a straight guy he would have pulled the 'Macho' card and been high fiving all through the dorms.

My calendar says 2010. How much longer will shit like this go on? When will those that are 'different' from the 'All American boy' mold be able to live their lives? For all the strides the gay community has made. For all the families with two moms or two dads, the thousands of us that are living our lives out and free, there are still the numbing number of cases like this. A boy finally free from his home town, who can start exploring life and finding his path through it. He took his own life because of the cruelty of his roommate. It was a 'joke', it was a 'prank'. Yeah pretty fusckin funny one there, a young man is DEAD.

Even in this day and age getting that courage to come out and be who you are is pretty tough. We are not cookie cutter images and our paths are not all the same. It's scary there in the closet. You KNOW what you are and you KNOW that no one will understand and you will be shut out of the only lives of people you know. I've been there, I've done that. It's really not that bad. You beat yourself up inside your own head more than anyone that truly loves you will.

Because of this, and because of the countless other stories I'll never know I strive to live my life and show others that you CAN be who you are. You WILL have friends. You can DO anything you want in this life no matter your 'orientation'. I have an amazing group of friends, gay, straight, whatever. Remember one thing... always be TRUE to yourself. You'll be amazed where your path leads you if you never forget that.

{**************************} HUGZ to you all!!!

Thought provoking

FARTHEST STAR

[December 2006]

The will to greatness clouds the mind
consumes the senses, veils the signs
we each are meant to recognise
Redeeming graces cast aside
Enduring notions, newfound promise
that the end will never come

We live in times when all seems lost
But time will come when we'll look back
upon ourselves and on our failings
Embrace the void even closer still
Erase your doubts,
as you surrender everything

We possess the power
if this should start to fall apart,
to mend divides, to change the world
to reach the farthest star
If we should stay silent
if fear should win our hearts,
our light will have long diminished
before it reaches the farthest star

Wide awake in a world that sleeps
Enduring thoughts, enduring scenes
the knowledge of what is yet to come
From a time when all seems lost
From a dead man to a world
without restraint unafraid and free

If we fall and break
all the tears in the world
cannot make us whole again

copyright © vnv nation - all rights reserved

So that is a song by VNV Nation. I love the lyrics. In a reflexive mood right now. I need to look inside and see if what was there was really what I wanted. I set myself off as a positive force in this universe and will see where the winds blow me.

HUGZ to you all {****************************} Thanks for allowing me this time.

Damn you Steve Jobs

Ok I thought I was over the Apple lust that boils inside me, I was wrong. I got through the iPad fever when I realized that without a cam on it I didn't have a real reason for getting one. I have my DROID and no longer want an iPhone. (This may change with the 4G networks and if Apple ever drops AT&T as the exclusive carrier for the iPhone in the US.) Today I read that Apple quietly refreshed the Mac mini and the thing that is a major selling point for me is the HDMI port. I could use my 46" Sony Bravia TV as a monitor for it. $700 for a new kick ass computer that will display easily on my TV.....yeah there's that "I want my PRECIOUS" lust that Apple always can raise in me.

Do I just spring for the $1,000 server model and stream all my content direct to my TV and surround in the living room?? Audio out on the Mac mini would go direct into my receiver. With the 802.11n wireless built into the mini I wouldn't need the Airport Express out in the living room. If I go the server route it comes with two 500GB drives and I could just relocate my iTunes library to the mini from my Time Capsule. If I find I'm streaming content from the web to the TV I'll just run a hard wire from the Airport router in Chris's room to the mini to get the full high speed out of our Comcast internet.

I was totally thinking of getting me a new Macbook Pro just because the latest refreshes in that series makes my mouth water. The top of the line with the Intel Core i7 processor really drive my inner geek crazy. My current Macbook Pro (15" version) that's going on 5 years old now still works perfectly fine so I don't really NEED a new laptop.

Minus to getting the Mini and hooking it up in the living room would be no built in iSight camera. However with the four USB2 ports on the mini it would be nothing to hook up my old Intel web cam. :-) Even going with the server version of the mini it saves me $1,000 over the Macbook Pro.

See the problems that geeks face?? I think I know my final answer to this one. Look for another post around the end of July to see if I bit the bullet or decided to spend my money on some other toy.

HUGZ to you all!!!!!! {******************************}

More randomness

So I have this dream, it's a recurring dream. I don't always get to this place in the same way, but I always know it when I arrive. I visit this place from time to time. I know not where it is, but the people are always the same and they are always happy to see me. They grow, age, live their lives, I am but a visitor there yet it's like I've done something major in the past. I don't understand it but it sure feels like more than a dream, it's like I am visiting somewhere. I've never 'felt' weather in a dream, yet in this place I do. I feel the wind blowing, the temperature, etc.

Yes Google is my friend, but I never can find anything when I search for dream meanings. Just the standards of 'falling' and so many other things that I can't ever say I've ever dreamed of. The falling one is fun though, the 'wake up before you hit the ground' doesn't seem to hold for me. I've hit the ground many a time when dreaming I'm falling and I'm still here. It does tend to wake you up though.

Just been on my mind so thought I'd get it out here in the blog and see what I make of it when it's in print.

I remain a Gentleman, even after the first date.

{**********************}
HUGZ to you all!!!!

Vetrans Lobby Day

Today is the day that thousands of Vetrans, both gay and straight, converge upon Washington D.C. for Vetrans Lobby Day. A day to show support for the repeal of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in the Military. I would have loved to be there and hear the speaches, show my support, etc but I found out way to late about this day to get there. I have taken action, and you can do it as well. You can call your Senators, and Representatives and tell them you support the Vetrans Lobby Day, and the repeal of the Don't ask don't tell policy.

You can elaborate as much or little as you feel. They will probably ask for your zip code to ensure you live in their District. It only takes a few minutes, but if we can have their phone lines flooded it will show the support of the American public to allow EVERYONE to serve openly and honestly in the Military.

It wasn't until I was in the Army that I fully realized my sexual orientation. I knew that was something I HAD to keep hidden while serving my country. Given my specialty and the fact I carried a Top Secret security clearance had I not hidden that part of my life a Dishonerable Discharge would have been swiftly coming my way. Things would not have been good.

I don't want to get too deep here, but this is certainly something that is near and dear to me. I have called Rep George Miller, who co-sponsored the bill to repeal the don't ask don't tell policy. I have also called Senators Fienstein and Boxer urging them to work on repealing this discriminatory policy. Please take 10 minutes of your time today and call your Representative in Washington DC.

{******************} HUGZ to you all~!!!!!

Dangerous surfing

So I'm surfing around and land on one of my favorite toy sites. B&H video. I'm looking at lenses for my camera and checking prices on the new Olympus dSLR bodies (I've got the eVolt 500 and love the pics I'm getting with it) and find that the latest and greatest the e620 is only $499. Then I check out lenses and find a nice fast zoom that will replace the one that came with my original e500 is $995. There is a nice wide angle zoom for $600. As you can see I don't have cheap toys. The two new lenses will run about $1650 and if I find the extra $$$ I can get the new body and have a whole new set up for just over $2000. The sweet part of this the lenses will work with the e500 and the e620.

I've come to the conclusion that I need about $10,000 so I can get all my new toys and also do the work in the back yard this year. Since I don't see where the $10,000 will just drop out of the sky looks like I get to prioritize the expenses. The back yard work needs to come first. Built in BBQ and fire pit will make it really nice for the summer. Then I can worry about a new laptop (15" macbook pro), and the new photo gear.

The camera I have is only 8 mega pixels, but it being a digital SLR the photo quality is way better than a comparable point and shoot. Anyway I'm going through my photos and enlarging many to 8x10 size to put up around the house. The initial project was an idea to hide the speaker wire running along the wall from my surround sound system. I've gotten that done and it looks pretty amazing. I left space between the photos so it looks like they are actually hanging from the wire. Now I'm looking to enlarge others to poster size. (16x20 and up) to fill in the blank walls in my house. I figured I should use my photos to decorate my house. I've found a decent place online where I can get some enlargements done for a reasonable price. So if ever you come to visit my place just know that the majority of the photos you'll see on my walls are ones that I took.

Off to figure out something to eat and then prolly watch a movie tonight. Back to the grind and the middle school production of Grease next week!!

{*******************} Hugz to you all!